Monday, March 30, 2009

pop culture

I finished a book last night that had themes of marriages ending, infidelity, and other happy, cheery topics often found in chick lit. One of my favorite light authors (Jane Green), I picked the book up for a release, and read parts with just a sick feeling in my stomach. And yet, despite consciously thinking I should stop reading, I kept plowing through.

In my experience, infidelity in popular culture bears not even a passing resemblance to real life. Maybe because TV or movie formats don't allow for subtlety - it's black and white people split up after infidelity, or the woman is a passive stand by your man kind of thing. There's rarely the gut wrenching day in day out of recovering and moving along.

I once, years ago, read a pop psychology book about marriages, and there was a section on infidelity. A wife was quoted as saying she cried every day for two years after discovering her husband's infidelity, but they did work it out and were still together. But the breach in trust was incredibly deep and long lasting. Crying every day for two years. That's stayed with me. I remember re-reading that one line, and concluding this wasn't exaggeration. This woman actually did cry every day for two years. So here I am. Not crying every day, but there are rough days. Odd reminders, twinges of bad feelings, words that trigger a memory. A book, a TV show, both for pure escapism, but not escaping at all from life.

Throwing things at the TV while watching Private Practice.

Is there anything in pop culture that hits too close to home for you? And yet you still watch, or read, or listen?

Thursday, March 26, 2009


a few medical thoughts:

My period came back today, four months and two days after giving birth. Apparently my body has a relentless desire to procreate.

My parents called last night. In the past, I used to sometimes blow off their calls (caller ID) if I was in the middle of something or busy. Not a mean blow off, just a I have bigger things going on blow off, I'll get to the parents later kind of thing. No longer - I always answer now. But, I realized last night as I reached for the phone, when I see the caller ID my heart doesn't skip a beat. I think I have to get this what if, but my heart doesn't feel oh no. So, my dad has cataracts. Surgery to remove them in early April. Which has to be balanced against his blood thinners for the 'deep vein thrombosis.' His leg has been getting better, and he's feeling ok. The cataracts don't bother him, he said, but good to have them removed before they get worse. Since in my family we don't gush or worry out loud, I said, wow, what is going on, it's just one thing after another. I know, said my mom, he's falling to pieces. We've had a busy couple of months.

They don't sound worried, but they never do. I'm a product of this family, so I don't feel worried. Except for the dull thud of dread in the pit of my stomach, which I try to ignore. He's 67, will be 68 in another month. Too soon, too soon.

And then last week, I wanted to do a post but was just busy. I'm a brand loyalist, which extends to my tv watching. Love Grey's Anatomy, loved the Addison Shepherd character, HATE and despise Private Practice, the spin off show. And yet I keep watching. Last week's story is the beginning of Addison possibly having an affair with the husband of one of her patients. Her patient who has suffered two pregnancy losses and is in the midst of a third, very difficult pregnancy. Infidelity combined with infertility as entertainment. I fucking hate this storyline. And yet I cannot stop watching the damn show. It starts in a few minutes, so I will watch.

Oh, bonus point, non medically related - I had a dream last night about my mother in law. I dreamt we went someplace close by their house, and so stopped in to see them. And the MIL was perfectly nice and reasonable, but my father in law refused to see us and stayed upstairs the entire time we visited in the living room with my totally rationally sane MIL. Weird. Very weird.

(and Andiamo, thanks for the nice words!)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Well, hello there, if there are any readers left. I don't know what it is, but my motivation to post has just completely dried up. Or maybe it's been subsumed by too many other things on my plate right now. Nah, I could always find the time before, so somehow it's a lack of motivation.

Both Niobe and Antigone told their readers they were going away. But neither has, though postings have slowed a bit. There is something about the new baby/adjusting to new schedules thing that gives you a bit of a pass, but I don't know why others have stuck with blogging and I've lost interest. I had actually built up a good readership, and since I think in numbers and progress, there was something very satisfying watching my stats creep up. And now of course they've bottomed out. I wonder if watching the stats (a newish pursuit) made this less about the writing? Or if I've just gotten bored with the introspection? Or, just busier with higher priorities? It may be as simple as that.

The new job is going well, but I'm out and about in meetings, so it may just be that lack of sitting in front of the computer time leaves little blogging time.

I don't know. What keeps you motivated? How do you find the discipline to post regularly?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

catching up

Has it been three weeks? Really? Since I last posted? Good grief. So a quick wrap up.

I started my new job this week. Here’s what I know – after a year of not working regularly out of the house, my feet are not used to work shoes. I am limping.

We are spending all of our spare time thinking about school choices for our daughter, who can go to pre-k next year. She has a late September birthday, and our city has a September 30 cut off date for going to school. So she will be the youngest in her class, and I am freaking out. Should we send her? Hold her back? How do you know what to do?

Then there’s school choice. We are in the public school realm. We live in a large urban city, with terrible and ok schools. How do we get into an OK school? By going to endless rounds of open houses and putting in applications for schools outside our neighborhood. And praying we get accepted. This is a part-time job, figuring this out. And you know, it’s only her entire life we’re talking about here. So no stress involved at all, right?

The little man is doing well. Right after I accepted the job, his sleeping regressed and I was back up two times a night with him. But this week he’s been cooperating beautifully, and I’ve only shed a few tears at handing him over to the nanny. Part-time work is nice, I have still had a lot of time with him during the week.

I just found out a friend’s father just passed away. He was 4 years older than my father and was diagnosed with cancer 8 months ago. I want to drive to my hometown and attend the services next week, but it’s not practical (3.5 hours away, infant, etc). But my heart is heavy for my friend.

Marriage has had its ups and downs, but we’re still coasting along.

Nothing from in-laws.

And that sums up my past few weeks. Nothing too terribly exciting. Just life. I’ve barely had time to click around the blogosphere. What’s been going on with you?