Friday, October 23, 2009


Two years, and this is my 300th post.

A lot has happened in two years. A hell of a lot. A solid year of either really, really bad or merely mostly bad. An uptick starting about with the arrival of the little guy. A messily defined period of time.

I think often about this marriage self help book I read years ago, where a woman wrote that in recovering from infidelity she had cried every day for two years. But had moved past it. It does hit me at odd times, though much less frequently now. Tuesday was a bad night, once i realized it was the mark of m discovering the e-mails. I had not realized any of the other key dates leading to this time. I see people in my blog cohort (for want of a better word) writing about grief and time. Niobe a very succinct one that said it all (as usual). Make no mistake, what I feel mostly when thinking about my marriage is grief - for what I thought I had, for what I wish I had, for what never really was. Recovering from infidelity - the gift that keeps on giving - is about coming to terms with what is rather than what you thought was.


k@lakly said...

I think that applies all the way around to life in general. It is the messy stuff that happens in between that makes us who we are. The other stuff, that's just icing.
Happy ' coin a phrase, "You've come a long way, baby."

CLC said...

Happy? anniversary! 300 posts. Wow! I am not even close.

Astarte said...

I think you've done an amazing job of pulling it together, and working towards a family despite everything. I really, truly admire you.

Also, as for the returned gifts that you found from your in-laws, I would donate them. Then, in lieu of gifts this year, you can send a little card saying that a donation has been made in their name to whatever organization! The really fun part would be picking the group to donate the things to; it would be hysterical to tell her that a donation had been made for her to Bi-Polar America or something!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary! Two years is quite the feat.