surrounded

I swear, there's a sex scandal around every corner. (and here is a very funny link to a flowchart of Republican sex scandals, 2006-2009 - don't worry, I'll get back to bashing John Edwards (D), soon enough. Sex scandals are bipartisan).

At least this time, Sanford's wife wasn't forced to stand beside or behind him as he made his lame apology. It seems like wives have learned they don't have to humiliate themselves when their husband acts like an ass. And, Jenny Sanford issued a pretty substantive statement, something we've not really seen before. In part:

.....I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband's infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.......

I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage......

.......I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

This is a very painful time for us and I would humbly request now that members of the media respect the privacy of my boys and me as we struggle together to continue on with our lives and as I seek the wisdom of Solomon, the strength and patience of Job and the grace of God in helping to heal my family.

A bit different from the usual, and she leaves the door open to reconciliation. I might dislike her husband's politics and actions, but I applaud her statement. Though, not to quibble, I'm not quite sure how a trip to Argentina is earning a chance to resurrect his marriage. Last year, the Spitzer affair caught me by surprise by how much it hurt. The Edwards affair was devastating. By now, I just roll my eyes. I suppose that's healing?

unfortunately

I've had a ton going on lately, but when I was in a somewhat boring meeting I was clicking around and saw the unfortunately meme, so decided to see what turned up. Nothing on which box - which means "unfortunately which box" was a goolenope, until just now. Someone has coined googlenope for phrases for which not a single google hit pops up. I think there's some website or contests to come up with new googlenopes - I heard a funny one the other day but have forgotten, if I find it I'll link it back here - oh someone sent it in an e-mail - they had read it someplace - "the only white guy in my golf class." Funny.

Anyway, so Unfortunately [Which Box's real name] yields a few good ones:

• Unfortunately, [Which Box's] ardent supporters began turning on her...
• Unfortunately, [Which Box] made things worse by showing up at the review board drunk and accusing the hospital administrator of having a vendetta against her.
• Unfortunately, [Which Box] is unaware that the last man she was with is entangled with the mob.
• Unfortunately, [Which Box's] in rehab, not for substance abuse, but for exhaustion. She's just plain tired.
• Unfortunately, [Which Box], your short questions require long answers.
• Unfortunately [Which Box] was told by the doctor that the chances of her conceiving were very slight and so they stopped trying only for [Which Box] to discover a few weeks later that she was pregnant.

Wow, through a very fuzzy lens it does kinda parallel my own life. (note: very, very fuzzy lens)

friends

This past weekend my undergrad college held its annual reunion weekend. I was part of a large, boisterous group of friends that spanned several classes. So even though it was not a reunion weekend for my particular class, many of my friends have just decided to make it an annual tradition to gather at the college this weekend.

I attended a very small womens college (small college, not women) that has since gone co-ed, as nearly every womens college has over the past thirty years. (is it women's or womens? probably best to say a college for women?).

As a backstory, I have lots of friends from all the different places I've lived, gone to school, worked, etc. As fits my Which Box persona, the groups are fairly separate, with my closests friends crossing several of the boxes. But many close friends staying put in their one category. Heck, I organize my section of the Christmas card list by category - it helps me find people when I need to change an address to know, in chronological order, my friends are listed by hometown, undergrad, grad school, long past job, long-time job, recent job, and current city friends (and then including my dad's family and my mom's family).

Over the years, I've lessened my involvement with my undergrad friends. It's a variety of reasons, really, that mostly have to do with our respective growths as individuals. Or not. One of the things about a very tight group of friends is the group-think that ocurrs. We were at this small, isolated college for women, with little to do, and a certain code of behavior emerged. Several of the more rebellious in the group, including me, took to calling us "the collective." It could be almost suffocating, that intensity of group think. You'd think a college for women would create a group of strong, confident, assertive women. And in some ways it did. But mostly, it did not. My friends are an odd mix of passive aggressive personalities, with a layer of martydom thrown in for good measure. Two of the women have children on the austism spectrum, and both are strong advocates for their children, and one has established an autism awareness non-profit. But, we had bad - abyssally bad - service at the restaurant we chose for our group dinner, and both these women didn't want to make a fuss or in any way insist that we be treated better. It makes me crazy. I'm the assertive one in the bunch, so even though I had nothing to do with planning the dinner, guess who dealt with the restaurant's management? (unsatisfactorily, but that's a completely separate story about jerk management).

Anyway, the point of all this was to say that it had been a while since I'd be involved much in the group. But it was nice to see everyone, to hang out with husbands I'd known as boyfriends back in the day, to see the kids. I've especially been laying low these past few years, with the pregnancies and job issues. So of the 9 women there, as we were catching up, 3 of them asked what I was doing now? And all three followed with, I hope you're staying home with that precious baby. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. We are graduates of this college for women. We were there in the 80s. The time of women having it all - job, husband, kids, the whole thing was suppose to be within our grasp. I've been probably the most career driven of all of them, and they tell me they hope I'm home with my baby????

Somehow, for now, I've achieved the holy grail of parenthood (according to a study a few years ago by Pew, reported here for example). It was arduous to get here, believe me, but now I have meaningful, reasonably well compensated part-time work. I'm proud of it. And I'm glad it's part-time. I'm happy for my friends who get to do what they want, whether it be full-time work, part-time work, or being a stay at home mom or any of the variables inbetween. But I don't project my preferences onto anyone else.

So I left the reunion loving my friends, but as expasperated by them as ever. I've gone from a central figure in the collective to being a peripheral member, which is probably just fine. A weekend day and evening was probably the perfect amount of time to spend. Do you go to reunions? High school, college, other? Do you enjoy them?

brother in law reappears

My husband tells me yesterday he got an e-mail from his brother, asking if we could get together. E-mail says don't blow me off, let's find a time, we can meet in the middle (they live 2 hours away).

My husband wrote him back and said July was crazy and we had a narrow window in June where we could make this happen.

I would like to write a catch-up post to lay out the rough outline of the inlaw saga to keep it all straight. But the little guy was up at 5:30 am and I am tired. Too tired to think about the stupid inlaws. And definitely too tired to search past posts and find the right links. In the in-law saga, my brother in law has been a bit of a puzzle. Let's see, if this all started in December 07, he was neutral or supportive for most of the first bit - actually until the final blowup (ok, one link) with the parents in law, just before Little Guy was born. But, as far as I know, there was no announcement he was mad at us. He and my hsuband had been in sporadic, yet semi-regular (ie, normal) contact leading up November. After the birth in November, BIL's wife sent us a card and present, and then sent us a Christmas package. We sent them a package. Which they did not return. My husband called their house on Christmas Day and BIL was in bed, but chatted just fine with his wife. But since then, nothing. As far as I know.

I konw I am beyond tired right now (and was yesterday, too). But I also know this contact from my BIL is contributing to a bad mood. I so hate dealing with them. I so wish they would go away. Popping up every once in a while is stressful. We'll see where this goes. My current strategy is just to live my life and not own any of their craziness. Do you have a good coping strategy for letting go of other's craziness? Of not letting it get to you?