new week

Sitting here, computer on my lap, trying to get work done but really just surfing since the morning. Lots to update. Where to start -

Since my last post, I'm back to ok, when is this all going to go wrong. I had about 2 hours of pure bliss, but that evaporated quickly. I called and have an appointment with my regular OB/GYN this Friday. We're holding off sharing the news until after that appointment.

It was all exciting on Thursday, and then I got a call from the lawyer from my job (hence bliss evaporating - real world intruding). Luckily I missed the call, but the message was pretty dreary. I called him Friday and still no call back. He's one of those "busy people" who just live totally scattered lives and who only deal with what's right in front of them at the time. So I've decided I'm not handing over anything until I get some answers and, more importantly, some money.

Someone left a comment on one of my job posts - get angry. Regular readers will remember that I rarely get angry. I take all sorts of shit from everyone. Well, no more. I called my lawyer friend on Friday morning and asked if she would represent me. She cautioned that's she's expensive, but screw that, what really matters is she is outraged for me. I want outraged. I want to be treated like something other than a doormat.

And then there's the interview I had Friday. It's a good news/bad news kind of thing. I thought I'd make a great interim director as they got up and running. The head guy liked my resume so much he wanted to interview me for the full position. The interview was great - he point blank told me I was his top candidate and that no one else even came close. The bad news - they want to present a slate of candidates to the Board. In July. So no matter what, a wait to know. It's also outside my field of expertise, and they decided to also hire a headhunter, so entirely possible they'll find someone who is a better match. But my friend who works there is intimately involved in this hire, so if things start to break another direction, she'll tell me. But I do need to start the whole application process for everything I see out there that's reasonably close.

I really need to focus and pack up all the shit from this job and just get it done. But it's so hard to do it. I'm grieving for this opportunity, questioning how I blew it, regretting every piece of it. Clearing it out, moving on, looking ahead will be the best for me in the long run. Heck, in the short run - get this done, spend my time job hunting in the mornings, doing fun stuff for myself or around the house in the afternoons. Spend more time with my daughter (without alerting the nanny I'm unemployed - a delicate dance). Now I'm chained to my desk, but not accomplishing anything.

What's your best motivator?