Wednesday, May 28, 2008

status quo

Back when my marriage was imploding, the stress and anxiety used to wake me up at 4 am. My witching hour. I guess that was the minimum amount of sleep I needed to function, and my body was too tense to allow me any more. I hated that middle of the night anxiety, restlessness, staring out at the darkness worrying. once we decided to work on the marriage, it was back to my normal 8-9 hours a night.

Last night I woke up at 4:30, worrying about the job wrap up. Still no word from anyone at the job, but I had written their lawyer I would be home Wednesday morning and to call me at 10. So from 4:30 - 6 am I went over and over and over the situation, the things I wanted to say, the things I thought he would say, the regrets, the what the hell am I going to do now, the endless racing of the mind.

Luckily I finally calmed down enough to fall back asleep, then my daughter was up at 6:30. UGH. Again luckily, I had done the last series of early morning wake ups, so my husband got the early duty, and I slept til 8. And was tense and nervous all morning, my palms started sweating at 9:50, my heart raced until 10:15, when I finally said this is ridiculous and started organizing all the stuff to pack up. I left the house at 11:30 and didn't return til 5:30. Stupid lawyer had called at 2:30. If I didn't know he was so disorganized, I'd think he was trying to freeze me out. Screw him. But I hope I sleep tonight.

So what's your best middle of the night, calm yourself down cure?


CLC said...

Spoons with my husband. Or amb.i.en. Trying to not do that anymore though.

The lawyer sounds like a moron.

Antigone said...

I take a hot shower. Afterward, I'm able to crawl back into bed and get some sleep.

I'm glad you weren't there when asshat JD called.

k@lakly said...


Tash said...

Reading on the couch. Extremely boring television.

Am I doing okay? said...

benadryl or creative visualization

kween of everything said...

seriouly wb?

an orgasm. anyway you can get it. i fall right back to sleep.

iaw clc, the whole organization sounds like its ran by chimps.

Lisse said...

Writing it out.

niobe said...

I tell myself that no worthwhile thought has ever occured to anyone at 4 in the morning.

I can't always get back to sleep, but I'm able to stop my mind from running in circles.