Tuesday, May 20, 2008


The Board decided not to renew my contact. That's it cut and dried.

I've been kind of cagey about this position, but I guess no need to right now, except to still guard my anonymity. I was hired to be the executive director of a non-profit. The non-profit started as an internal foundation within a corporation, and the corporation decided to make it a stand alone non-profit, funded by a large initial donation. I was hired as a consultant to the corporation, with the idea that after I got it up and running, I'd become an employee. So I've been working on a monthly contract.

I met today with the lawyer and the corporate representative, who is also a Board member. I saw this coming, so thank god I was able to be composed and level-headed. But don't get me wrong I'm devastated. And surprised. And just really disappointed for this cause, too. I believed in what I was doing.

I pressed them both hard to give me reasons, and they spoke double speak that never really clarified anything. Since my contract was up, the Board felt it was a good time to reassess the entire project and the corporation really wasn't sure how it wanted to proceed. There was unhappiness with me, but they wouldn't give me any feedback at all. None. The lawyer did say he had been asked to have this conversation with me, not a conversation to remmediate anything.

My contract runs through the early part of each month. So I'm to close everything up in the next few days, pass along to the lawyer, and they'll pay me the full month. I am proud I said look, I left a very secure position and knew there were risks, but this isn't really adequate notice. The lawyer said he'd take my concerns back to the Board.

So here I am, 13 weeks pregnant, I hope with a viable pregnancy (though still no word from the CVS, argh). And out of work. What the hell am I going to do. And how the hell am I going to explain this? I think I'll explain it by saying the corporation pulled funding, but still. This is Not Good.

The best thing to do might be to play the stay at home mom card. Try and find some consulting work, let the nanny go, and just see if I can handle being a stay at home mom. I really thought it would be good to have the nanny around when/if #2 was born. I don't know if that will be possible. I don't know how that will work, though. There's a whole nanny network in my neighborhood and all my daughter's friends are other kids cared for by nannies who all hang out together. If we let the nanny go, it's not like the other nannies will want to hang out with me! So how unfair is this to my daughter.

Ugh. I'm too shocked right now to think straight, that's for sure. I don't know how to start saying goodbye to the new friends I have made, much less what to do next. This sucks.

I am really trying to not sink into feeling like a failure.


kween of everything said...

two words and this is what my mom always says: fuck 'em.

i know you tried you best - i can tell from the passion in your writing that you are motivated but you are weary by the circumstances of your situation. but you have a healthy new baby to look forward too and a marriage to keep intact and a child who demands attention.

seriously, if you can do it, why not work from home and please yourself for a change. you deserve it. and i find that place repulsive for not even discussing way to improve things. you didn't want to continue working there anyway. i secretly feel like this is a blessing in disguise.

but like my mom says "fuck em"

you were too good for them anyway and you are not a failure. failure would be that you gave up. no they gave up on you, they're the losers.

Antigone said...

I'm not surprised by their reluctance to provide specifics. They know they're screwing you.

I admire your strength and bravery. I've stuck it out in my secure position with a huge company out of cowardice. With all enterpreneurial spirit quashed, all I'm left with is daydreams of what I wish I were doing. But you did it.

Tash said...

awww fuck. Not for nothing, but reading between lines here and knowing a bit about start-ups AND not-for-profits it sounds a bit like they're still a wee bit clueless and don't know what's up. And I hope some of your friends there are brushing up their resumes, too.

Hope the door that opens here is a good one. I'd fight for a decent severance if possible (can't remember what the deal is -- were you actually hired as a consultant?) and take some time to plot your next move. I have faith that it'll be a good one.

CLC said...

Man, I was so sure you were just being paranoid. That blows, Which Box! I am so sorry. I know that's the last thing you needed right now. They obviously have their heads up their asses and don't know what they are doing.

I have faith that one day you will look back at this situation and think that it was for the best. Hopefully you will be in a better position wherever you are, be it with another non-profit, or staying home with two healthy kids.

In the meantime, feel free to vent about the cocksuckers. Oops, did I just write that?

Magpie said...

I'm sorry. That really sucks. Angle for severance. How long were you there?

Want my job? I need a sabbatical.

Janette105 said...

Oh, don't feel like a failure! So cliche, but true..."nothing ventured, nothing gained". And of course there's always "everything happens for a reason".

You never know...a MUCH BETTER job may be on the horizon for you. Have yourself a big ol' ice cream sundae and a giant pity party, and then tomorrow move on! Keep your head up and don't let this get you down.

Hang in there!!

niobe said...

What a nightmare. Though, of course, it's technically illegal to discriminate on the basis of pregnancy, in the real world, it turns out to be very difficult to get a job if you're likely to be going out on maternity leave within the next few months. Still. Do you have any contacts from your old job that might be helpful?