Thursday, December 11, 2008

Weight for it

Wow. Last night the little man was up from 2-7 am. UP. He slept for about 20 minutes at 3 and again at 6. Brutal. So instead of a thoughtful treatise on my inlaws or finally commenting on some thought provoking posts I've read recently, or outlining the travails of marriage, I'll talk about something I really don't talk much about in real life. The weight/body image. I've been more honest on this blog about my weight struggles than I ever am in real life. I might say sometimes I want to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, or bemoan with other women the general body stuff women do when they get together, but in general I don't talk about it much.

I really, really want to be more healthy and energetic and that translate into weight loss. Plus I want to fit into older clothes again. I dress very conservatively, so yeah, a pair of black trousers or a white top from 4 years ago is still going to be in style today.

I spent most of the end of 2007 at 173 pounds, so we'll consider that my starting weight. I gained a lot in the early days of pregnancy, but that slowed down - my final weight was 211. Bleah. About a week after delivering my ten-pound baby, while still bloated and retaining a lot of water, I made what might be considered a stupid mistake and stepped on the scale - and it read 202. What the hell? How do you have a ten pound baby and only lose 9 pounds? But, it wasn't a mistake in that I knew I was at the peak of bloatedness and all that would come off quickly, and it has. This morning I weighed in at 188, having spent the last few week weighing myself every day and watching it just drop off. There's definitely something gratifying about the early days of breastfeeding, when the weight really does slough off quickly.

I remember with my daughter, when I went for the 6-week check up, the doctor said, ok, you've lost all you're going to lose in just plain old your body shedding pregnancy weight. Whatever you lose from here on out is about you working to lose weight. Which was pretty true. I'd really like to be in my non-maternity clothes by the baby's baptism, which we've scheduled for December 28th. Wait, I've just realized that's only 2.5 weeks away. So no way will I be 173, I must be realistic. But maybe I can hit 180 or 179. I was in the mid 180s when the shit hit the fan with my husband last year, so at least, while I'm not happy about how I look, I should have some things that fit.

I've been cutting out most sweets and most dairy, hoping that might help him sleep better, and that definitely helps with the weight. So if I keep it up, who knows. I'll keep you posted.

Tell me, in real life, do you talk openly about getting in shape/losing weight/poor body image? Or are you comfortable in your own skin? (I hope you are!) Or do you keep it all - whether good or bad - private?

15 comments:

diana said...

Never. No, I'm not. I'm that horrible skinny with a belly shape.
But, you have to give yourself time. Your body and self has been and is going through a lot, give it time. And, I'd rather have extra but well placed than this "I see your ribs but not your waist".

clickmom said...

I talk about my weight all the time. But post the actual number? Not in your life!! (or until I weigh in the 150's again which ever comes first)

brandonsmom_02 said...

I don't have a blog...so I don't post anything. But I am the most outgoing, loud mouthed person in the world, except when it comes to my weight. Even if I have every intention of telling the absolute truth to someone I'm very close with....the secret body insecurity fairy takes over my mouth and forces me to shave 5-10 pounds off my real total before the number comes out. Ugh

And I have lost 80 pounds before and I am currently (in all honesty 159-160lbs) and I am so mad at myself and have to remind myself constantly that my 220lbs self would tell me to suck it up and appreciate what I am now.

I was down BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight by three months after my daughter was born. She is 18 months old now - and I am now 15lbs heavier. But I know exactly what it is - not taking the time to take care of myself in the madness that is raising three kids and chasing around a toddler.


My best advice - don't be a snacker and avoid using food in any way as a treat for the rough days that are certainly going to come your way.

Dora said...

You are very brave to post the actual numbers. I just posted recently about the emotional eating I've been doing and what a blob I feel like.

Antigone said...

First of all, having met you in person, I have to say that you wear your weight really well. I thought you looked great.

After this pregnancy I plan to whip my body back into pre-marriage/stillbirth/pregnancy/divorce shape and since I have no shame will post my numbers on my blog. It isn't the numbers I'll be chasing after so much as the energy and confidence I've had in the past.

Anonymous said...

I have never posted, but I will say this. With baby #3 due in late Feb, I started off 40# too heavy and have gained a total of 20# so far with 10 weeks to go. I never, ever talk about this in real life. I don't want people to know how much I hate my body. DH has some idea but he keeps telling me I look fine the way I am. Uhhh, thanks, but quit trying to be so nice! Good luck to you - I'll have my fingers crossed!

Tash said...

I don't like to talk numbers, but let's just say I'm short and about 20 pounds heavier than I should be. And I'm not talking "should be" to be on "Who wants to be a Supermodel?" I'm talking should be on the ol' index charts. And I've never been this heavy, for this long in my life. And it sucks. And I hate myself. And hate my clothes. And hate why I am like this. And I talk all. the. time. about losing it, and get serious for a month or two and then something blows up to wreck my work out schedule or diet and I'm right back to where I started.

I'm sorry, what was the question again?

Anonymous said...

I talk about how I'd like to work out more by going to the YMCA, etc. And good friends pick up on that, and then we try to do it togther. One good friend invited me to join Weight Watchers with her. And I did and lost 19 pouds. Of which I have put some back on with the holidays. But now I know that i CAN lose it so I will try try again! And you can too!
Claire in TX

Brenna's Mom said...

I have gained a ton of weight since I got married 10 years ago. Part of it is due to health problems- but NOT ALL. I have never weighed this much. After my stillbirth I lost a bunch of weight (depression) then I gained it all back (what's the opposite of depression?). I have been working on it- just started this week in fact. I am very comfortable in my skin. (Although I never talk numbers because I don't think it's fair. One person's 170 might be another's 140- you know?) I do have to say that I think the main reason I'm so comfortable is because I weighed 105 when I met my husband, and even though I'm not that now hes never said one word about my weight. I just love him for that. It's made me OK to be me.

k@lakly said...

Weight, shmeight,I say. I haven't weighed myself in decades and I NEVER look at the scale at the docs when they weigh me, in fact I don't even let them weigh me unless I am pg. And if it's for narcotics/meds I always tell them to add pounds...snort. I just go by my clothes, if my skinny clothes fit I am happy, if my not so skinny clothes fit, I start walking more...if they don't fit, YIKES!
But hey, 2-7 sounds like our babies are related. Call me. I'll be up:)

niobe said...

For me, the hard thing is trying to create an exercise routine. I work out a couple of times of week, but that's just not enough for me. If only there were a gym at work....

On the other hand, I'm perfectly content with my weight and clothing size. So I guess that's something.

CLC said...

I struggle with it, and I had to be very careful with what I ate to be my pre-pregnancy weight. I found the last 5-10 pounds was hardest to lost with Hannah. Actually, I never lost it, so I started out this pregnancy heavier. Therefore, I try to be careful about what I have gained so far. I am up about 12-13 pounds, and will probably be up 25-30 when all is said and done. I feel like it's just inevitable that we all have weight issues. I don't know too many people who are perfectly content in the skin their in, whether they weigh 100 pounds or 175 pounds. It's a shame, really, but I guess it's a by-product of the society we live in.

Cindi said...

I keep it all private. I've been heavy my entire life and went through a lot of drama with my mother as a preteen/teen, so I do NOT plan on ever going there again. I share my numbers with NO ONE. I even refuse to step on the scale at the doctor's office.

Astarte said...

I keep it private. I mean, I'll do the usual joking that women do about their weight, but I don't make real plans aloud. That's just inviting comment, and I SO do not want that. On the blog would be one thing, but to a real person, that would be way scary.

Wabi said...

Two years after giving birth, I am still about 10 or 12 pounds off my original prekids weight. I don't talk about it out loud a lot, but it's a constant background noise in my head, this fact that I am not crazy about my saggy, pouchy midsection. Usually it's not so much about the pants size as it is about me knowing the belly is the embodiment of a life that is really unbalanced compared to what it used to be: Too many unhealthy snacks because I'm too busy or exhausted to cook properly, too little exercise for the same exact reason, a ton of stress, and not enough sleep. It all adds up on the scale. On all sorts of scales, actually.