Sunday, November 8, 2009

uh oh

So, I was kinda cursing NaBloPoMo and wondering what the heck I was going to post tonight, when my husband gave me a topic.

Kids in bed, we're cleaning up kitchen, and he says, just want to float something by you. Haven't done anything, but want to get your reaction.

Uh oh.

He says, how about if we get together with my parents this coming weekend? Try to meet up halfway in between? (they are 2 hours away)

Dum dum dum.

Uh, why? Is the immediate question. He says he's just sick of the cards and the passive aggressive e-mails after the cards and this just isn't working and maybe we just need to try something else. Plus, she heard we were all sick and sent a nice e-mail offering to come down and help out.

I want to scream hell no, but instead I say, I have a hard time seeing how this would play out.

He says he knows I've been worried that our traveling to my parents for Thanksgiving will just piss them off.

I say yes, but what I mean is that I fear it'll just ratchet up the crazy again. Otherwise, I don't care, and I only care about the crazy because not dealing with them is really working for me. And honestly? If we do this, then we're just in it all again, and there's Christmas, and expectations, and we're right back into having to go up there all the time and her getting mad when we don't follow her desires completely.

He agrees, but says he just can't take where we are with them anymore.

UGH. So now I am thinking about it.

Hell, I know what I think.


niobe said...

Um. Would it be possible for your husband to take the kid(s) and go see his parents while you relax at home/do errands/are elsewhere? Because I don't see this working out well. Though I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Tash said...

Yeah. So. Yesterday. Went to a big birthday party for people I thought were "good cousins," until the whole lying liar thing happened this summer. Also there? Cousin who told us we were "wallowing" last we spoke. And a bunch of other people I didn't want to deal with. I told Mr. I wasn't going, he got mad and said he wasn't lying to cover my ass. Fine! Tell them I think they're assholes and I need a break. He got mad that he'd have to do that bit of communication, so I wound up going.

No one spoke to me for 4 hours. No one. I got a few hellos and goodbyes. It was exhausting and I never want to do it again. I know exactly what you mean -- you open that door, and sadly it's not going to improve, you're just waiting for the next drop by the crazies. It really sucks. I'm so sorry.

Jo said...

Avoidance works for me, too. I tend to let Mo handle his mother, as much as I can. But I see how your not going isn't going to help matters either. *sigh* Why can't our men simply let go?

No words of wisdom, just sending good vibes your way.


San said...

Mmh, difficult situation. I understand your reluctance, though.

Julia said...

I think he should go without the kids. The ils relationship with you and the kids is a deriviative of their relationship with him. He needs to protect his family.

I have a set of crazy ils. They are coming for tgiving. They stay at a hotel. I work. The nanny cares for baby as the ils are not allowed to be alone with her. Dh is sad but they are toxic. I breathe through it.

He shouldn't drag you all into it until he is on better footing there.