frustrating

I'm so all over the place when it comes to working. The little man is only 7 weeks old, so it's difficult to think of going back to work. But my nanny is so ready to take over (and have me out of the house). We need to sit down with her in the next week and give her an annual review and raise, and then say, but....if WhichBox doesn't get a job in the next 8 weeks, we'll have to let you go. Boy, that's going to be fun.

I told my husband I want a job that starts in mid-March, but I want to know I have it now, so that I can enjoy myself and these precious weeks at home. Not going to happen.

And I'm not enjoying myself, because I'm ramping up networking and job hunting. Searching and applying for jobs during naps, in between breaks. When I want to go to the afternoon movies and nurse while catching up on the latest releases. Or, when it's not freezing cold, walk off some of this weight. Or shop. Or cook. Or have lunch with friends/colleagues.

So, the part-time gig. I'm too burnt out on it to link to past stories about it. Basically, applied in August, interviewed in September. They asked for references in December. And they're calling references now. They told one of my people they were deciding between 4 candidates. FOUR. Who calls 4 sets of references? I am so up and down with them. I hear a tidbit and think oh, good, I will get it. I hear another - like this 4 candidate thing - and think, ok, there's no way, I need to move on. They're calling a good friend of mine today, so hopefully I'll hear more. And just conclusive - either way. Now I'm worried I didn't give them good enough references. One of their Board members agreed to be a reference, but he and I haven't worked together for 4 years. A colleague from my last full time job, but I don't entirely know what he will say. He asked for talking points, and we worked well together, and I know he's a loyal and supportive colleague. But I have no idea what type of reference he gives - will it be good enough? And then 2 people, former colleagues, who are good friends. But neither can speak directly to the core business, just to how I am and how I think and work. Aiyiyi. Now I'm stressing myself out. Oh well, it is what it is.

But seriously, this is why it's hard to re-enter the workforce. References grow stale with time. I'm really struggling with references for everything.

My friend/former colleague told me about a couple of other possibilities and told me to contact another colleague about them, and that went well. We'll talk next week about a new job in her company about to be posted for which I'd be 'perfect' (her words).

The phone interview from last week went well, I thought, and ended with the recruiter saying OK, I'm going to forward your resume and my notes along and recommend you be interviewed for the position. But it's been a week and I haven't heard anything more.

Stress, stress, STRESSSSSSSS. I would like to be more calm, to be more centered, to have more faith, to be more methodical - if I take these steps - contact former colleagues, network, let more people know I am looking - something will work out. It should. I should have faith. But losing the last job, the way it happened (here and here)....... well, it eats at your self confidence.

I need to go for a walk and get this nervous energy out, but it is literally 10 degrees outside. Perhaps the grocery store is the best alternative. When it's too cold to be outside (and this is too cold! I am a weather wimp), and you're bouncing off the walls, how to you burn off that energy?