I'm having a hard time in my relationship these days. I just really really don't know what I want to happen. I remember how awful it was when he was leaving, and I don't want to be there again. On the other hand, I can't take this anymore.
We had a joint session last week. The theme, I guess, ended up being trust. The best way to put it is that I think I would be an idiot to 100% fully trust him ever again. I have to remember what he's capable of and be careful not to rely on him too much. And that's not entirely conducive to a fully functioning marriage, now is it?
And he says he wants, more than anything, to have a happy healthy marriage with me. How is that ever going to be possible? What do I have to do to make that a possibility? What does he have to do? Living with this pain, these mental pictures in my mind, the speculation I still have over what really happened....that's too much. And if that's too much, how can I do more?
I have no answers right now. I do have a huge work project next week, so maybe staying focused on that will help. I just don't know.
4 days ago