Friday, November 13, 2009

not asking

So, the story of my sister is long and easy to get caught in the details. The bottom line is for thr past 4 years she's lived with her roommate, who is a women's college soccer coach at a very small university. My sister teaches at a private Catholic middle school. It's taken a while, but for the past year or so my brother and I have been speculating that her roommate is more than merely a roommate. We started out 50/50. There was a lot of evidence on both sides. But over time we've all pretty much moved to yeah, most likely.

I tihnk in a normal family you might ask. She's my sister. We're supposedly close. Since this has come up, though, I've found myself being more distant with her. It's harder to talk to her. Is she actively hiding something central to her life? Is she not? In my family, though, you don't ask. I can't even imagine asking.

My husband actually decided he would ask my mom over the summer. My mom said she didn't know, and preferred just to not think about it. Denials runs deep in this family.

Does it matter? Well, it does matter - it matters that she feels she must keep this hidden from her family. How would you feel if a close relative was closeted? Have you ever had someone come out to you?

3 comments:

San said...

This would be really sad if she didn't feel like she can tell her family.
How close are you to your sister? Could you imagine talking to her about this?

Nobody has ever come out to me directly - most of the gay people I know had already come out. I think it's a brave thing to do.

Astarte said...

I have a very close friend who came out to me a few years ago. The problem is, she's married with two kids. She was in denial about being gay for a long time (obviously), and only just recently finally came out to her husband. She tried for a long time to be someone she wasn't. Maybe your sister is in the same spot, not sure who she is, and not wanting to talk about it until she's decided.

Astarte said...

I have a very close friend who came out to me a few years ago. The problem is, she's married with two kids. She was in denial about being gay for a long time (obviously), and only just recently finally came out to her husband. She tried for a long time to be someone she wasn't. Maybe your sister is in the same spot, not sure who she is, and not wanting to talk about it until she's decided.