Two years, and this is my 300th post.
A lot has happened in two years. A hell of a lot. A solid year of either really, really bad or merely mostly bad. An uptick starting about with the arrival of the little guy. A messily defined period of time.
I think often about this marriage self help book I read years ago, where a woman wrote that in recovering from infidelity she had cried every day for two years. But had moved past it. It does hit me at odd times, though much less frequently now. Tuesday was a bad night, once i realized it was the mark of m discovering the e-mails. I had not realized any of the other key dates leading to this time. I see people in my blog cohort (for want of a better word) writing about grief and time. Niobe a very succinct one that said it all (as usual). Make no mistake, what I feel mostly when thinking about my marriage is grief - for what I thought I had, for what I wish I had, for what never really was. Recovering from infidelity - the gift that keeps on giving - is about coming to terms with what is rather than what you thought was.
4 days ago