aches and pains

This pregnancy is mostly the same as with my daughter, but for some reason, more aches and pains. Physical, not mental, though there are plenty of the latter, too.

I've been telling people recently that with my daughter's pregnancy, I did yoga twice a week, swam twice a week, walked home from work nearly every day - and, um, this time around? With a toddler? None of that. Even though I could be going to the gym every single day since I am not working, I'm just not exercising.

I'm known for loving shoes, and I wore nearly all my shoes throughout that pregnancy, most of which had 2 inch heels. This time around, being home, I'm wearing flip flops and going barefoot, and I think that is having a serious impact. My legs ache all the time. I wake up in the morning with stiff and sore legs. So now I'm thinknig I have to start wearing my tennis shoes with orthotic inserts. And I am really not enjoying the thought of that. I left stylish a long way back, but I'm not quite ready to completely surrender. I think a lot about getting a job and having to dress professionally every day and I wonder if I could physically handle that. I think with my daughter's pregnancy, I just kept doing what I was always doing, so it was fine. But this time, the thought of having to readjust to professional attire and shoes makes me cringe. Though I desperately want to have to suffer through it rather than continue barefoot and pregnant.

I did chat with the doctor last week about my hip issues. It's not sciatica, which is the nerve down the back of your leg, but definitely another nerve issue. My right hip goes numb. Mostly when laying on my right or left sides, but in some seated positions it starts tingling and I lose all feeling in a area about the size of my palm. The doctor gave me the oh so helpful just one of the lovely side effects of pregnancy answers, so I'm stuck. Sleeping, especially falling asleep, is miserable when you can't lie on your stomach, left side, or right side. Or back. I sleep sort of on my back, with a pillow shoved under my right hip/side to keep me a little off kilter.

And mentally? This has been a hard week, not pregnancy related but the marriage, the (not) working, the everything else. I don't know why. Just off kilter myself.

So, have you noticed your body slowing down as you've gotten older? Any more aches and pains that didn't used to be there?

20 weeks

Just hit the 21 week mark, actually, and had the 20 week sonogram last week.

Everything "perfect." The tech kept pointing out things that could be bad - let me look at the heart because often the major vein and the major artery can be switched, ok, nope, looks great. Ok, let's look at the bones of the arms and legs because you can measure differences that might indicate....nope, all fine. Ok, the spine, let's make sure it's not open, nope. It was a running patter and she was quick, so it only got to me a little. Good grief there is a lot that can go wrong.

I think for once someone in my doctor's practice actually looked at and read my history in advance of seeing me, so I think she thought she was being helpful. I just looked at the screen as one fat tear rolled down the side of my face.

And that was it. The check up was just a chat with the doctor. I'm just one of the regular patients. Nothing different or unusual about me at all. And I don't know how I feel about that.

I am an interview rockstar

Except then they meet me and hate me. Sigh.

Highs and lows on the job-hunting front this week.

Just got a call this morning from my husband's employer. Not quite the fit they were looking for, so no dice. On the one hand, I did not want a job there and would have felt tremendous pressure to accept. On the other hand, wah! I want a job. Rejected by my husband's company? How pathetic is that. Except not in my field, only tangentially related to my skill set, etc. But still, rejection stings.

I told someone this past winter that I had never interviewed and then not been offered the job. Which I realized later was not true, but for the life of me I cannot remember when that might have happened, so I get to really feel the sting of rejection today.

But! Also this week I did a prescreen call with a new opportunity that came my way out of the blue. One of my friends, a former colleague, was visiting town this week and met at a party someone whose company was hiring, mentioned me, I passed my resume along, and whammo, prescreen interview. It's a consulting firm, so I don't have the corporate background, but they consult on issues where I was on the non-profit side, so I know the issues. I think I "passed" the call, but who knows. Should know in a week or so.

And then I was also called for another interview. I applied for this job back at the beginning of June, and the woman leading the hiring committee is someone I know from work together over 10 years ago. She told me at the time I seemed like a good candidate. So get this, screening call is AUGUST 6. Which might be followed by interview in SEPTEMBER. Giving the growing belly, I am not getting this job. Plus it would be a long, hour plus commute. But still, I had given up hope of even being called.

I interviewed with a friend's work in May. Was told at the time I was top candidate, they had to pull Board together, interview with whole Board in July. Friend now tells me it'll be August, if then. Perhaps September. Dammit.

And then I applied for the job I think I want most. It opened just last week, but it really might be the best - a prestigious large non profit, position is a deputy director. Again given life changes, that might be the best, plus best of all it's walking distance from my house. Perfect. And I know the director well. And I think we have a good relationship. I just hope they get their act together and interview soon.

So that plus my interview this week is my sum total for right now. I have my resume out, so maybe other things will work out, but I am running out of time.

So, how do I shake off rejection and keep moving ahead? How do you deal with rejection?

Whip It Up - Week 1

Went through my disorganized recipe clippings today and separated them into drinks, desserts, and the rest. Step 1 in getting them organized in a way that allows them to be useful. Found a recipe from, I think, either a Family Circle or Woman's Day circa who knows. But then I got flummoxed by ingredients and seasonality, so didn't quite make the recipe. I can't quite decide how to do this - I semi-followed a recipe, but not really at all. So do I post the recipe? Post my modified recipe? Post both? Hmm. Let me know what you think of this treatment.

Not really-Creamy Orzo with Asparagus and Prosciutto

Serves 4; Prep 10 minutes; Cook time 18 minutes

3 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth (or, 3 cubes vegetable bouillon with 3 cups water)
1 1/3 cups (about 8 oz) orzo
1 Tablespoon olive oil (or, cooking spray)
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 1/2 cups (about 3/4 pound) asparagus, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces (or, same amount green beans in favor of seasonal ingredients)
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (or, none at all if it turns out your container of sour cream is growing a field of mold - ew!)
1/2 cup (1 oz) julienned proscuitto (or, bacon if you're broke and you've got bacon in the fridge)
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 tablespoon chopped fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley (or, whatever kind of parsley is growing in garden - why does flat-leaf matter?)
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

In a medium covered saucepan, bring broth and 1 cup water (4 cups water, 3 bouillon cubes) to a boil. Add orzo, then return to a boil. Reduce heat to low, and simmer uncovered until al dente (~11 minutes). Drain pasta and set aside the cooking liquid.

Meanwhile, heat oil in a medium skillet over medium high heat until hot but not smoking (oh for goodness sake, spray pan with Pam). Saute onion for about 1 minute or until it just begins to soften. Toss in asparagus (green beans) and saute for 2-3 more minutes (or 5, get impatient and turn heat up high and scorch onion and green beans). Remove from heat.

Add in orzo, 1 cup of reserved cooking liquid, sour cream (oops), prosciutto (nope), pepper and parsley, and stir until well combined. Divide among 4 bowls, top with Parmesan (and bacon!) and serve.

Nutrition (1 cup): 369 calories, 12 g fat (4 saturated), 49 g carbs, 16 g protein, 4 g fiber, 129 g calcium, 3 mg iron, 593 mg sodium.

Here's the green beans, onions, and broth simmering (trying to cook beans a tad bit more). Bacon cooking in other skillet.

And here's my plate with one slice bacon. I don't think I've ever said I used to be a vegetarian - since 1999. Though I went through my daughter's entire pregnancy and nursing without any meat, this spring I started adding bits and tastes and small amounts back into my diet. But very little. But bacon is good.


Was the recipe easy to follow?
Yes, and modify.

Did it taste good?
Well, the sour cream mold experience threw a definite wrench in the works. Thankfully, it was perfectly fine without the sour cream, though I bet that would make it richer and smoother. Overall good. Actually I did not like it when I got tastes of parsley. Maybe non-Italian parsley makes a difference?

Kid friendly? (am adding question to official Whip It Up questions - see, cannot resist modifications)
Kid loves bacon, so ate her piece happily. Would not taste orzo until I said no popsicle til she had the one "no thank you" bite (eat one bite and if you don't like or want any more, you can say no thank you). After taste, I quote, "the rice has ..... something ....... spicy!" Note to those without a two year old - spicy is the kiss of death for a toddler. Not sure if she just happened to get a bit with one pepper flake in it? Who knows. I think under the right circumstances she'd eat it.

Would I make it again?
I think this makes it into regular rotation. Filling, tasty, cheap, relatively easy, and healthy. One downside - it used a bunch of pans, so a lot of cleanup (orzo pot, reserved liquid pot, bacon frying pan, skillet). We like easy all the way through.

So, whew, made it through week 1. Maybe my goal should be to have all my recipe clippings organized by week 8. Ha, hahaha.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

eta - so should have googled this recipe before posting to at least make an effort to find the source - Shape Magazine. Includes picture of how recipe should look. Also found another blogger who tried this and stayed truer to the recipe, though still modified. She liked it.

another interview

Back home having survived another interview. This one, I don't know. It's the funding organization, fairly high level, totally in my field with people I know and used to work with, very senior position. I am having a hard time imagining they'd want me, to be honest. I interviewed with the two people who would report to me, which sounds weird but was ok. I think they are screening people to see who they'd like, then the top people would do the second interview. I think the interview was mostly me catching up with one of the interviewers, learning what had changed in this organization over the past year or so as they've gone through a lot of changes. So if the metric was how would I click, I passed. She did tell me the position mostly required strategic visioning and positioning. I just don't think that's me. Maybe I am an implementer. I don't know. We'll see if they call. I kind of think they will, but wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. So curious who else they are interviewing, as the odds are high I know them if they're coming from inside the field.

A woman who used to work for me works for this organization, and in addition to feeding me inside info, is constantly telling me I'd be perfect for the job. I don't have that same confidence.

The senior people I know there are exactly that, senior. Really top notch, really smart. I'm smart, and I have over 15 years experience. I'm turning 40 this year. I have a child. I employ a nanny. I've survived hard, adult situations. I have gray hair (expertly covered up). I wear heels.

But I don't feel very adult. I don't think I'm a grownup. I don't feel like a senior person.

So what about you? Are you a grown up? When did you know you were an adult, or do you?

recipe clutter

I did end up joining Whip It Up, the recipe challenge. So by Thursday I have to do up a new recipe. The suggested theme is pasta. Hmmm. Any ideas?

A few years ago I decided to gather up all the magazines I had stashed around the house and organize them by month. Then, each month I had my reading material. My rule was read the magazine, rip out anything that was of slightest interest, and THROW the magazine out. I've been ruthlessly reading and tearing stuff out since. If I didn't make it through the pile of Januarys in January, I'd put the remaining in a stack and start in on February. And now not so many magazines left scattered around the house. It would all probably fit on one stack, but I've made good progress this Spring.
I've been filing the ripped out pieces in manila folders - gardening, jewelry, exercise routines, craft projects, blah blah blah. And recipes - those are the bigger files on the right. They're "organized" in the sense that there is one folder for desserts and a second, larger, for everything else. Nice, huh? Aren't I organized? But then there's this - I also clip recipes out randomly and shove them in a drawer in the kitchen. Though a few years ago I decided to make a binder out of recipes we tried and liked and so were staples (instead of forgetting there was a recipe there and didn't we like some squash recipe out of this book or that book? Or was it broccoli?

Sigh.
You'd think this wouldn't be hard, given these resources, including my thankfully reasonably sized recipe book collection -
There's $10 in our checking account and my husband gets paid on Friday. And we're out of all fruit and veggies, so in the interest of a balanced diet for my two year old that's where the money is going (though I found a can of peaches in the back of the cabinet tonight, so that's covered for couple of days). Now, my check will clear on Wednesday, so I'll be flush (ha) then. That leaves tomorrow to find a recipe. For something pasta. Or not, the suggested theme is just that, a theme. Yeah. I didn't think this would be this hard when I signed up. Actually I sort of hoped it might make me organize the various clippings cluttering my house.

The dill, oregano, sage, and parsley are all doing well, so maybe something summery and herb-y.
Even the basil is doing great, despite pest invasion.
So, whaddya think? Any ideas for me?

quick hits

It's been a busy few days.

Finally called my doctor today, nearly 3 weeks after my appointment. AFP fine, no anemia, every other test fine. Whew. 20 week sonogram next week.

I got the check from my old company and deposited it, so, let's see, I'll actually get the damn money next Tuesday. Grrr.

The thing about this period of waiting, and related to my last post - I feel greedy. I feel I'm constantly thinking about money and that's an unattractive place to be. At least now the intense pressure is off, we have the cushion that will last through August. This will help me relax. Lisse is right, it's hard to enjoy this period of time off because I'm too stressed about the next - next job, next paycheck. So I'm going to try to enjoy this weekend at least.

The bad news - I have to admit I tried to pull one over on my last job. A small one, just to thumb my nose, but sadly it did not work. When it was all going smoothly, I used the corporate card to buy a printer. And I didn't hand the printer in. And the lawyer e-mailed me to ask. On the one hand, dammit, the agreement is all signed and the check is here (but not cleared) so I spent some time trying to figure out if I could ignore it. On the other hand, well, yeah, I was trying to pull one over on them, to the tune of a couple hundred bucks. It's a great printer. But I guess next week I have to hand it over. And sadly I don't think it would be wise to buy another right now, though it was damn convenient to have. But that's it. I don't want to hear from them again. Ever. I want to know if there's a way to block their e-mail. My husband suggested routing it to junk, but I want a way to automatically send a reply back saying my e-mail address is no longer valid (without changing my e-mail, of course). Is that possible? Maybe the best is to set up an auto reply.

And! I have another interview!! This job is in my field, a high level manager job for a funding organization. That's right, no begging for money - handing out money. Super duper for my resume, but high intensity. I have a lot of contacts at the organization, including one insider who is talking me up to the right people and who says I'm a top candidate. Interview next week. I seriously think it's more job than I want (or can handle), but boy would it be a prestigious job if I got it. Would really set me up nicely to do a lot of things after a few years. For now I'll just enjoy being called for an interview. And study, study, study.