Wednesday, March 12, 2008


My husband resigned today. He has said all along (to me) that the 31st would be his last day, and lately I had thought that wouldn't happen. He does not have a firm offer from his old company. He does have an interview this week, and things should move along, but there's no guarantees, much less a start date.

A few days he said to me he was stressed about resigning, because he just felt that he had let his friends down.

I wanted to say, but did not, that he let them down months ago. And more importantly, far more importantly, he had let his wife down. And his daughter down.

He said today that in telling his friends, his colleagues, of his resignation that he did say he felt like he was letting them down, but he couldn't do it anymore. He said 2007 had been the worse year of his life personally and professionally and he was done. They have a plan to build their business to a certain level and my husband couldn't commit to that plan, to the personal sacrifices it would require.

They took it well, it seems, but I wonder once it sinks in if they'll continue to be supportive. I wonder once his affair (again, how the hell do I refer to her? His ex mistress? his little tramp? his ex fling? Nothing seems right) finds out, how will she react? Maybe, hopefully, not at all. I just want it all done.

I did tell him that it hurt me when he said he let them down. He said he knew. He said he had also let himself down too.

Maybe I am too hard on him, because, frankly, I don't get how this was the worse year of his life. I don't. This past year was hard on me (though, stupid natural optimist that I am, there were great moments - with my daughter - this year. I wouldn't trade those precious experiences for anything). I feel like he went through a shadow of what I went through. Maybe that's unfair. But I don't get it.


niobe said...

Well, my immediate reaction is that if this has been the worst year of his life, he's had a pretty good life.

But it goes almost without saying that everyone's definition of "the worst" is different. I'm sure that most people stare at me uncomprehendingly when I tell them that the death of the twins wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. But it wasn't. Not by a long shot.

CLC said...

I can see where you are coming from. It's hard to imagine him trying to muster sympathy from you given what he's put you through. And even putting that aside, I still think that our grief is greater than our husband's only because we had the physical connection to the baby, which he/they obviously did not. Maybe "greater" is not the right word, but it certainly is different.

meg said...

I hope this helps Which Box. I hope he feels better and I hope it helps you knowing that he's away from that place. Sometimes, a fresh start is just what you need.

Antigone said...

I don't think you're being too hard on him. I think he's self-absorbed.