Wednesday, June 18, 2008

endless circles

I'm spinning myself in circles these days, it feels like. I have a friend who we think is depressed - doesn't like being a stay at home mom, small child who was diagnosed on the autism spectrum, no car, has to move cities after just settling in here - all the crap that just piles up. But when we talk to her about it, it's all I can't get child into a program because we're moving, our insurance doesn't really cover that, I am too busy for counseling, I don't have childcare for counseling, once we move maybe I can set some things up, but husband's new job means insurance will change, etc, etc etc. I find it really frustrating to interact and support her, when there are piles and piles of reasons why she can't or won't seek outside help.

And now I'm turning into that person. My husband and I still need counseling, but with my no job situation, we'll probably be switching to his insurance, so we should wait til that's all settled. I need a job, but I'm pregnant, so who's going to hire me? I lost my job, but it's too embarrassing to admit, so I can't start networking heavily, I was so excited to get that job.

When I left my old job in January, it all happened over the holidays, so there was no going away thing. They always give someone a present when they leave, and I never got mine, so I (gently!) pestered my friends to rip one of my favorite pics off the wall and just give me that. Well, my program assistant organized a new picture for me and e-mailed me last week to set up a going away HH. So now I have a work HH tomorrow, Thursday, where I have to go see my former colleagues and answer questions about how great my new job is. Or isn't. What do I say? Coincidentally, one of my former colleagues had a birthday yesterday and I went to her birthday dinner, which included a small handful of former colleagues, so I got to test out talking about my work. I said it wasn't working out as I had hoped and I thought we would be parting ways sooner rather than later, and I was back job hunting, but had good prospects. And I survived, though it was hard. Interestingly, my old department has a huge project coming up in August, and one of my former colleagues suggested I offer to help out on a consultant basis. That might actually be possible, and if it was narrowly focused and targeted, it might be ok. So yet another possibility. I need something more than possibilities, though. I really need one of these to work out.

It was nice to see this smaller group of people, so Thursday might be ok - I did work with some good people, though there were others I was happy to leave behind.

But still. Like anyone I want to be perceived as happy and successful and growing. Admitting this past experience didn't go well will be hard. What would you say? How do you break out of circling down into negativity?


Wabi said...

What you said to the small group was perfect for just about anyone in the work arena, IMO. "It's not working out, the job turned out to be different than what I thought it would be," covers a multitude of issues in a neutral and positive way. I don't think you are projecting anything bitter or unprofessional in saying that.

Here's hoping a great new opportunity comes to full flower very soon.

CLC said...

I think the way you put it to the other friend sounded good. You don't need to share any more details. It sounds neutral to me.

Lisse said...

I'm always playing catch-up with your blog.

I work for a woman who left the company and came back. She had just had a baby and had left to be closer to home. The job didn't work out so her boss worked out a deal where she works at home 3 days a week.

Do the contract work with your old company. You never know where it might lead. Good luck!