Sunday, June 22, 2008


Antigone is having a hard time. Please go visit and give her some virtual support.

A few weeks ago I was at the thrift store and picked up The Pilot's Wife, by Anita Shreve.
I'd read it nearly 10 years ago, when it was newly out, and it had a big impact. How well can you really know another person? What secrets can your spouse hide from you? How can you ever know?

I fought like hell to hold onto my marriage. But it wasn't as (perhaps) stupid as it seemed at the time. My husband was regretful, and sorry, and upset. He never lost his, I don't know, his essential humanity. Oh, don't get me wrong, he was a jerk and an asshole and treated me terribly. And I let him, in some ways, walk all over me. But, I was pretty sure he was conflicted, he wasn't sure, he had strayed but not too far. Almost too far, but the guy I loved was still there. So I fought, and he became, somehow, the person he had always been. His bad behavior was so uncharacteristic. I'm not excusing it. I'm trying to put into words why I wasn't ready to give up. And it's not been easy, and it still isn't easy, but it seems, for now, to have worked out ok.

I have a bias. A point of view. I want to believe in relatively happy endings. I wish a happy ending for Antigone. Happy endings can take many forms.


mama-2-4 said...

I was wondering over the last few posts how you are feeling about your husband now. It seems that as of a few months ago, although you clearly knew you needed to work on your marriage, your feelings were a little more ambivalent towards him? But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Am I doing okay? said...

Could you catch me up to speed on Antigone? Hard to believe I'm reading what I'm reading. thanks. Any chance you're going to BlogHer?-V

niobe said...

I don't think there's any such thing as a happy ending. Though I believe wholeheartedly in happy beginnings and happy middles.