Wednesday, September 3, 2008

no news is no news

This is turning into the most boring blog ever. Yet another day passes with no news on the job front. The no news makes me so incredibly anxious. I am on pins and needles.

Actually, I did have news from my insider friend on the funding agency job. I interviewed in July, they wanted to "make a quick decision" (HA! I call bullshit on that phrase forevermore!). No news. So, friend tells me they've been negotiating with a woman I know quite well, who wanted to give her current job TWO MONTHS' NOTICE. I actually use this woman as a reference for me, so heck yeah, I'd hire her over me anyday, especially for this particular position. No quibbles on the hire. Major quibbles on the process. Seriously, they could have given me official word. It's still not official - my friend first told me she knew the job was going to someone else and couldn't tell me who. It only took a minute of me saying, oh come on, at this point I'm just curious, spill - for her to tell me. So, another one down.

I'm essentially holding out for two jobs - part-time gig, and science center. No word from science center. This makes me anxious but only slightly so. It's government, they're slow, I just need to bide my time. The part-time place has me in a frenzy of anxiety. They had me write a two-pager, due Aug 25th, told me they'd schedule interviews the week of the 8th and make decision by the 15th. So, doesn't it stand to reason they'd have called to schedule the interview the week of the 8th by now? Garr. Yesterday I was out and about running errands and I checked e-mail every half hour. Today I am at my desk and obsessively studying my e-mail and not doing work I do need to do.

So, guess what I just got? Three jobs ago I did some partnering work with the executive director, managing director, and head scientist of the part-time place. I liked them a lot, and we seemed to get along well. It was close to when I left that job, so it never really developed, and I don't think, in my absence, the partnership ended up developing much beyond where I took it. I liked the managing director and remember feeling like we could have been friends.

SO - I just frigging got a linked in invite from her! This is probably good news. I should probably calm way down. Her invite says- "just heard you applied for our PT job - fabulous." I mean, that's good, right? But where the hell is the let's schedule an interview e-mail/phone call? I've been in a total anxiety attack that my 2 pager sucked. (outline thoughts for their program over the next year.)

OK. I just need to vent. I always freak out just before things get good. It's always darkest before the dawn, or something like that, right? This whole thing has just been such another hit to my already reeling personal sense of self. I was so excited about my last job, and to just have it yanked the way it was just another loss in a bad year of losses. It's been about 14 weeks or so. I didn't think it would take this long to find something. I stupidly did not protect my interests when I took that last job, and it's been a huge financial hit, on top of the emotional one. If I get a job, the good news is it was a wakeup call to get our financial house in order, to be more prepared. If I don't - well, life changes A LOT.

Breathing. I'll accept the linked in invite with a cheery little note. And try to be calm, cool, and collected. Something will work out.

What's your best strategy for dealing with anxiety when it's all out of your control?

1 comment:

Astarte said...

Usually, I just have to freak out until I'm done freaking out. The other thing I try to do is take a deep breath, relax, and just let go. I know that sounds simplistic, but if I can Decide to do it, somehow, it works. Still, usually that only comes after I majorly freak out about whatever it is for a few days.