Monday, December 24, 2007

a new reality

Wow, so Christmas Eve. My daughter is in bed, my presents are all bought and wrapped, my husband is wrapping far too many presents for me. We had Christmas Eve dinner at our house with my parents and sister, and we all went to church with my brother, too (he went to church earlier with his wife and kids, so they weren't able to come over for dinner).

In a lot of ways, this was as close to a really good day as could be. Lurking under the surface, though, was a world of hurt and regret.

At the top of the list, we were supposed to be at my husband's parents. Didn't quite work out that way, as regular readers know.

So, on Saturday, we went to my husband's brother's daughter's birthday. (whew, that is a lot of apostrophes). My niece's birthday party. It was held at a YMCA (gym activities, then pizza and cake), then family over to my brother in law's house for presents and family time. All together, 4.5 hours.

That would be 4.5 hours of being studiously ignored by my mother in law. And father in law. And sister in law (husband's sister who lives at home). Yes, you read that right. My husband has an affair, almost leaves me, breaks my heart, and my family welcomes him this Christmas with open arms (a teeny bit chilly, but open arms nonetheless). My husband tells his mom that we are splitting Christmas Day between them and home, and we get frozen out.

It gets worse, though. I'm a big girl. I can take silence and whatever else that crazy hag tries to dish out. Bring it on, lady. What is totally unacceptable is her trying to freeze out my 2 year old.

Yes, you read that right. My mother in law tried to ignore my daughter for 4.5 hours. A two year old. A two year old who worships her grandmother. And who was clearly puzzled by how her grandmother was not acting as usual. Luckily, when you're 2, there's a lot to distract you, and so momentary puzzlement could give way to look! Trampoline! Or look! Cake!

When my daughter would come up to her, my mother in law would speak to her, or interact slightly. But nothing like usual.

Then, at the after party, my daughter was playing with a large toy right by her grandmother. My sister in law was there, too, and was my husband. I was about 10 feet away. My daughter slightly fell, nothing serious, just lost her balance a little bit. My sister in law reacted, bent slightly as if to right my daughter. And my mother in law looks at her daughter and says, don't bother.

My husband shouted, in his very scary voice, WHAT?

And they had a little standoff - my husband told me about this later, as I wasn't sure what was happening from my distance. Apparently, he had been watching his mom ignore her granddaughter and getting more and more pissed, and he said through gritted teeth, you're supposed to be a grandmother, act like it. And she countered, you act like a man. And she walked away.

Then later, opening presents, she pulled my daughter on her lap and cuddled her a little.

I took my daughter up to change her into her PJs for the long drive back home, and my inlaws decided to leave when I was upstairs. My husband ran up, grabbed our daughter, and said to me I'm not going to let them leave without saying goodbye. I stayed upstairs, so also heard about this on the drive home.

He took our daughter to the door, and handed her to his dad, who hugged her and handed her back, and said to my husband, thank you. My husband had to call his mom back from outside to say goodbye. My mother in law came back, hugged my daughter, pulled away, looked my two year old in the eye, and said, your dad sucks. And turned and walked away.

Un-fucking-believable. What kind of person involves a TWO YEAR OLD in her crazy world??

If nothing else, this is actually bringing my husband and me closer together.

I'll tell you one thing. If that stupid woman thinks she is ever, EVER going to spend time alone with my daughter again, she's as stupid as she is crazy.

Merry f'ing Christmas.


niobe said...

I'm just open-mouthed at this bizarre behavior. Has she always been like this?

Lisse said...

Haven't been here for a while, so I'm catching up.

It is indeed childish behavior. Apparently your MIL's idea of "acting like a man" involves kowtowing to her rather than catering to his own wife.

Actually, for the first time in this entire blog, your husband seems to be showing some strength. His job is to protect his family, and that sounds like what he did.


Kim said...

I'm just reading backwards in your blog... I really can't get enough of this in-law stuff. Are you SURE you're not related to us? This is just so surreal. We have A LOT to talk about!

CageQueen said...

Dude. I soooo feel you on th ein-law problems. Email me and I will share a great story with you! And by "great" I mean "horrific."