OK, so the phone call with his mother did not go well. I did end up going to the store, and when I got home he had just hung up with his mother. 90 minutes. No resolution. He did say she offered a counter proposal - we don't go the our niece's birthday party on the 22nd, we come up on the 24th, spend the night the 24th and 25th, leave the 26th. Apparently all that matters to her is that we are in her house all day on the 25th.
So now what? Narcissistic personality disorder, indeed. I should read up on that. Seriously, what are we supposed to do now? Do we accede to her plan? Not go at all? Go to the niece's party but nothing else? How am I supposed to go when she called my family selfish for driving up here to spend time with their heartbroken daughter?
This led to a huge fight with my husband. I was unhappy with the counseling session in the morning, I was unhappy where things were in general, I was unhappy feeling that he had thrown me and my family under the bus in the call with his mother.
I'm not a nice person. The fight ended with me letting my husband know the night I re-discovered his affair, I had sent myself incriminating e-mails from his phone to me. And that if he lied to me again, those were going to the person he hated most on the board of his company, and the one most damaging/humiliating to his girlfriend was going to everyone on staff in the company. I shouldn't have told him. It was too hateful a thing to say, much less to ever do, and while he's let loose some really hateful things, I've tried not to retaliate, to be a bigger person, to be a better person. Or really to be the only decent person in this whole sordid mess. Now I'm sunk to their level.
What I've hated most of all - what I said to him on Friday, and again in the counseling session, is that this right now can't be about moving forward. How can he MAKE UP for the hurt he's caused. It's not enough that he's there.
So, he's back in the spare room. He did keep coming into my room, asked me if I had my anti-anxiety medicine, should I take it, he wanted me to be able to sleep, etc. One visit he said he thought he had known the depths to which he had hurt me and obviously he did not. I finally told him I had taken care of myself just fine without him for 8 weeks, I could handle that night. That ended the visits.
Except of course I woke up sobbing.
We left it this morning with me saying we should try to see our counselor again this week, and he will call and try to set it up.
Things are always better for me when I'm being strong and doing my own thing. Tonight I have dinner with friends, tomorrow night is my office Christmas party and I'll go with my daughter.
Seriously, what's the right thing to do with his mom? With holidays? How do you handle narcissistic personality disorder without getting sucked into the madness? How do you juggle holidays and in-laws when one player is insane? I'm not a monster, and I know he needs time with his family over the holiday, but dear god almighty, how can that possibly happen in a way that helps us/me?
4 days ago