Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Still here. Sorta.

It's 11:20 am, I've been at my desk since 9, I have a shitload of work to do, and I have accomplished nothing. Heck, I've attempted to accomplish nothing. I've started nothing. I've clicked around, surfing the web, thought some deep thoughts, answered some personal e-mail. And that's about it. So far today I've eaten an egg and cheese sandwich on wheat toast, a small scone, a banana, some cantaloupe and a handful of grapes, plus a huge mug of chai, and yep, still hungry.

Last week I had posts for every day of the week lined up. Some good (where good equals possibly interesting to an audience in a you won't believe what just happened kind of way) stuff to blog too. But no energy to do it. Yesterday I walked to a meeting and felt light headed and like my feet were disconnected from my legs. I'm tired all the time. Malaise. And too often just feel weepy.

So, I have self diagnosed myself with anemia. I went borderline anemic during my daughter's pregnancy and remember feeling very tired and weepy. This morning I rustled up my old leftover iron pills (expiration date: 11/07) and have one sitting in front of me now. A lot of my symptoms could be attributed to first trimester blues + the rest of the suckitude that too much of my life is, that's very true, but a simple (expired) iron tab might help, and it can't hurt, right? (um, right? my family is famous for consuming out of date food/medications. It's fine is a commonly used phrase).

So, tomorrow is it. CVS day. I really, really want to post about it, the procedure, the possible results, how I feel about it all. I've tried to start that post several times. I'm too wound up, and the words won't come (here's what I type: Oh god please let this be ok). Perhaps tomorrow. My appointment is at 1:45. Think of me. I'll cover the afternoon with generic "meetings," I'll work from bed Friday. And get results by mid next week, I think. The RE called last week with my latest blood work (I should call them and see if their blood tests include iron, but I think it's just hormones), which was fine. The nurse said, we're done with you. Switch to your OB. I'm not calling the OB until after the results from the CVS are in. One step, one day at a time.

There's news on my husband's last job front. Good stuff (again - in the you won't believe what is happening now category). I'll do that post after (or instead) of the CVS post.

There's also news on the in-law front. A tasty little nugget from my brother in law, but that will have to wait. The mother in law has blinked first. But just a blink. After a slight flutter from my husband - he sent his entire family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) an e-mail telling about his job change and giving his new contact info. She replied to my husband with an e-mail that read in its entirety: This is the second time I have answered this e-mail I hate verizion it
locked me out before I could send it. We are all very happy for you in your move. It was the thing to do. How is [granddaughter] doing? She is getting so cuite and talking wow! Aunt V~ has had a stroke and is on a floor that will care for her. Aunt J~ was in at the same time. Now
she is in a rehab hospital. B~ my cousin called and has invited us to his ordination. He asked
about you. It is going to be on June14 & 15. If you would like to go let me know it is [very close to where we live].

I asked my husband if he was going to reply and he said yes, as soon as he thought of what he might want to say. I don't know what he should say, or what I'd want him to say. Somehow, this has to resolve, in some form or fashion. I wish there was an obvious answer. Unfortunately, staying away for the rest of our/their lives doesn't seem to be an option, and sigh, I guess I am adult enough to admit it wouldn't be a good option, anyway. I need at least a week, though, before I am able to contemplate this at all. There's no room in my brain right now (90% of my brain: RESULTS OF CVS BY WHEN??!! 8% of my brain: I am so tired 2% of my brain: I have so much work to do) for this.

I have so much work to do. SO MUCH. I have to call references for an assistant position, and I have to get that person here soon. I am drowning, on top of everything else. Oh, but it's not 11:55, so lunch beckons.

Please - positive vibes for tomorrow!! And most importantly, for the RESULTS.


Am I doing okay? said...

Sending positive vibes your way, Whichbox. Very positive vibes.

ridingfence said...

I would skip the expired iron if possible. 1- It is expired, 2- Self diagnosis ok on your own, not so with the new tenant. As I remember from my late life Mono related symptoms, I had to take Iron and it is very important it be of the time released variety. Tricky supplement that comes with rules. Positive vibes....

Tash said...

results, shmesults. One day at a time. Let's get through the damn procedure first, yes?

My therapist just told me this a.m. that she doesn't recommend permanent separation from family unless there's abuse involved.


CLC said...

I hope everything went ok today. Thinking of you.

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