Wednesday, April 2, 2008

home again

Finally home, after the 4 most exhausting days I think I have had in a long time. Parts were terrible, parts were wonderful. Nearly every person in the family made it. The crack head cousin was a notable exception, but let's face it, that was probably a good thing. There's much to say, but I'm too beat to process.

Thanks for the comments on the last post. In my real life, I've always been a big fan of quirky people. I strive to be unique, to stand out, to forge my own way. Here, I really, really don't like the standing out - the thing that makes me unique in this little corner of blogland. I must have found the previous post's blog via the Eliot Spitzer story. I didn't follow the story all the closely, to be honest. The endless punditry of why is she staying with him, how terrible to have her stand there during his press conference started to hit too close to home. I think I suddenly found it more interesting to focus on the call girl side of things, just to get away from the why do smart men with smart wives cheat? Why do wives stay with their cheaters? I think I saw a clip of Dr. Phil, maybe, with his wife saying she would boot him the hell out. Well, you don't know. You don't know until you're faced with it. The relentless punditry actually made me feel stupid for staying.

I'm just still really struggling with the marriage. Last week I finally came out and said the counseling wasn't working. I'm doing counseling, he's doing counseling, once a month we've been getting together with both our counselors - but in a lot of ways, that once a month seems designed for our own counselors to have greater insight to help us individually. No one is working on the marriage. And not working actively on the stupid marriage is what got us to this place to begin with. I think I was heard. So this week we'll see if we can find yet another freaking counselor. Perhaps we can find one who actually takes insurance.

It is nice to be home, sitting on the couch, laptop on lap, daughter asleep, husband, cat and dog napping. I should be napping, but you know how you just get so tired the nap won't come? That's me today. The dazed, confused, and tired.


CLC said...

I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed being mentioned in the same post as the Call Girl. Don't know why, but she seems so liberated. Maybe I am too Catholic repressed?

Anyway, I am sorry things don't seem to be working for you and the marriage counseling. I hope you find another one that helps you more. Thinking of you!

Antigone said...

Welcome back.

Marriage is way more complicated than "I'd kick him to the curb if he did that to me." I think smart women stick around because they're able to look past their emotions.

niobe said...

And I'm sure counseling has helped some people. But I sure haven't met very many of them.