Tuesday, October 7, 2008

aw shit

One of the great aunts died yesterday. My mother-in-law lost her mother at a critical age - when MIL was 18. I think it's scarred her in many ways, and kept her always the perpetual victim, the forever baby of the family, the needy one. Her mother's sisters have all lived into ripe old age, into their 90s. Great Aunt Jo is the first of the great aunts to pass, though another is quite ill.

I like these great aunts. I like extended family. It's the immediate in-laws that are the problem. I guess extended family is just a little more distant, you only see them on special occasions, on relatively good behavior. They probably have their issues too, but not the same as dealing all the time with in-laws.

We found out when my husband's brother called last night. Yep, brother. Not my husband's parents, despite "all the reaching out" they are (not!) doing. My husband is pissed his parents couldn't/wouldn't call him directly, especially after husband called them on their anniversary.

We've known this day would come, so I'm not being heartless when I say this timing is the timing I dreaded - I'm at 33 weeks. So technically a 5 hour drive is doable, though not advisable. My daughter has been to 3 funerals, but they've made no impression on her whatsoever - she's been too young to get what's going on. At three, that equation starts to change. We got the news in a voicemail, and discussed plans before husband called BIL back. I took a deep breath and said, I really don't want to leave you alone, but I don't want to go, I don't think it would be good. Husband agreed, and said yes, there was no way he wanted daughter to go.

But the planning was far smoother than I thought. It's right away - viewing Wednesday, funeral Thursday. BIL was just able to go up and back for the viewing, and he and his wife were going to leave their 4 year old in daycare for the day. So they worked it out that only the two brothers would go up and back.

I don't know if there will be any time for my husband to talk to his parents. He said he was going to write a letter tonight. We'll see. I'm not heartless, I'm really not, but it sounds heartless for me to say that my MIL, a drama queen, will be a mess. Probably best if the brothers just go and leave, without adding any more drama.

My husband did joke, well, we'll have a lot to talk about Friday morning in our first joint session.

1 comment:

Antigone said...

You're in your third trimester - always a solid reason for staying home. I can imagine, just from the bit I've heard about the MIL, that she'll enjoy what attention she can garner.