My husband came home this afternoon, walked in the door, and announced, well, the shoe has dropped.
Husband's brother sent him a long e-mail this afternoon, saying in-laws had asked brother to tell husband not to come to the viewing tomorrow. It would be too upsetting, particularly since husband didn't even bother to send them an anniversary card. Further stuff in e-mail about how we haven't responded to in-laws gestures, are being selfish and stubborn, someone has to be adult, etc etc. Husband writes brother back, I don't know all the details, but that yes, husband has been swamped and has just not had a chance to send card, he can be blamed for being insensitive, but there was nothing meant by not sending card, etc.
Then, husband calls his mother. And she lights into him for not properly responding all the times they've sent cards to us. Apparently we were supposed to call them and thank them for their thoughtfulness. Husband yells at her that she couldn't even bother to call for daughter's birthday. MIL says she didn't bother since we would have seen caller ID and not answered. Husband shoots back - it wasn't even worth trying to make the call? Trying to talk to her? There's much yelling back and forth (thank god I wasn't around to hear, these calls stress me out so much), and it ends with MIL crying and hanging up on husband.
So. Here we are. Husband says he is in a lose-lose situation. Go, and risk a scene. Not go, and offend other family. He would like to go. But in the midst of all this, work is insane, and his car is up on jacks in the backyard (I told you we were classy). I first suggested he think of what HE wanted to do - ignoring his parents. I think he'd rather go, but he doesn't want to spend hours in the car with his brother (he'd drive to brother's, they'd drive together) arguing over this. So then I suggested sending flowers tomorrow, writing his second cousins heartfelt sympathy cards, and then sitting down and writing it all out for his parents. I think that's the current plan. Of course, it all could change.
Midway through relating this to me, I burst into tears. I just really, really despise my MIL so much. The drama, the histrionics, the pressures. She's a crazy woman. And it plays into my insecurities. I'm not an ideal daughter in law. Isn't it the wife who buys cards and remembers things? I am terrible at that. I've never been her ideal daughter in law - I'm just not wired that way. I'm not compliant, and I believe in independence and creating an adult life. I don't know how reasonable I am. I don't really blame myself all that much - I know she is troubled and selfish. But there's definitely a piece of me that gets hurt by all this drama.
So, we're less than 7 weeks out from birth. They still don't know. I do think a letter is the next, best step, but I don't think these people will magically grow up. Any ideas?
3 days ago