Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I want to think

But there's no time. I want my time back. Hahahahahaha. Seriously. I think very very soon I will really really miss my whole days of doing whatever I wanted to do. Which really wasn't much at all, I am sorry to admit.

My daughter is sick. We've had two nights of terribly interrupted sleep. We're 5 days away, and she's clingy and weepy and whiny because she is sick. I need to recognize sick has nothing to do with world changing in 4 days, but at the same time I worry about her clingy to me and how that won't be possible oh so soon. But she's sick NOW, and she needs me, so cling away, right? Besides, in 4 days, being up every two hours will be the norm, right?

My husband met with his counselor today and was glad he did so. Played her the voicemail from his dad, and asked if he had characterized it correctly. She agreed he had, and added, but the tone of angry, so bitter, so mean.

Basically, from what I've gathered, she's said of course he's sad, and of course that's a normal reaction. He needs to know he'll never change them - the are who they are, and it works for
them. So what my husband has to decide (together with me) is what he's willing to deal with from them. Her only suggestion at this time was to call them, say he had gotten the message and understood they were making this decision, and it saddened him but was their decision. That he would call them when the baby came and give them the news, but that was all he could deal with right now.

Given that it's only 4 days away, the other option is just to call them with the news. I really wonder if they'll pick up or if they'll screen whatever calls he makes. I think screen, but what do I know about crazy? It's impossible to predict.

I pressed him a tiny bit on what he thought he wanted. And he just said, you know, I just can't think about it right now. I want to not deal with this.

So he has another appointment in two weeks, which is a good thing. He said the counselor told him, as he was walking out the door, you should thank your wife for encouraging you to come. You need this outlet.

I really need a few solid hours sleep tonight, that's what I really need. Run a few errands tomorrow morning, and who knows, I might actually get time in the afternoon for me.


Tash said...

I'm keeping Bella home for her third day today, and I'm about ready to climb the walls. I can't imagine being uber pregnant on top of it.

Please, please brace your husband for the scenario in which they don't pick up the phone. I watched my husband in increasing dismay last christmas, beginning around 8:30 in the a.m. and ending at 8:30 at night, knowing his dad had caller id, and watching him leave messages. It was heartbreaking.

Just prepare him, they in all likelihood won't answer, here's a script to read to the machine, and then it's their call.

Antigone said...

I'm amazed by how much you're managing. I hope you're able to bank some sleep this weekend.