Saturday, November 1, 2008


Welcome to year 2 of my participation in NaBloPoMo. My own personal shitstorm had just really gotten going last year, and NaBloPoMo gave me the structure to post here every day, during what was, to put it mildly, a difficult month.

It's hard to believe now that the real storm - the real in-your-face awfulness - was just over a month long. October 20th or so (discovery of affair) to December 5th (decision to work on the marriage). Of course, the months leading up to October were awful, but for reasons I didn't entirely understand. I thought they were pregnancy loss and infertility related, but I was both right and wrong (Tash got new car insurance (along with a host of other things, not remotely making light of her experience at all, I really identified with her post); I got what I got). And the months after have been sometimes awful but mostly hard. It's not easy to recover from infidelity. I was thinking last night - what was the worst? The nadir? The absolute bottom? Is there one point that I could identify as the worst? It's a fruitless exercise. The whole thing sucked, and ramifications continue to reverberate.

A year older, a year wiser, a year later. Some things are better, some things are not. But I'm still here, and ready for the challenge again. A few regular readers found me through NaBloPoMo, and I've enjoyed meetings others, too, so I'm in for another year. Despite what I hope will be a major interruption in just a few weeks (but maybe I can configure my phone to post - hospital food: still bad).

So, just today's update - the letter to my in-laws was sent on Thursday night. My husband did edit it to suggest he call them on Sunday. He called them Thursday afternoon and left a voicemail that he was sending an e-mail and hoped they'd reply.

No reply yet. Which, as he says, means they either did not check e-mail (which they don't do everyday) or did get it and are super pissed. Hard to even guess which one. Meanwhile, last Tuesday I mailed them professional pics we had taken, and they should have received them on Thursday. My hope was that might soften them a bit.

We are nearly 100% confident they don't know about the pregnancy. If they do know? And are still acting this way? Wow. That really might be the final straw for my husband. I still love my husband. I really, really dislike him sometimes. And I don't forgive him. But my heart does hurt for him. No one should have to send a letter like that to his parents. He's lived through the shitstorm too, even if most of it is of his own making. He gets it from all sides. I worry he doesn't have his own outlet for what he's going through, which, uh, is kinda what got us to this place to begin with. Great. I hope we've both learned and grown enough to make it through.

So - who among you is also NaBloPoMo-ing?

1 comment:

Antigone said...

I already post too much. I'd rather just read you guys this month.

Amazing what a difference a year can make. I feel like this summer was my s*itstorm. I hope next summer I can look back and feel grateful that the worst of it had long passed.