OK. I'm at work. Got here about 30 minutes ago, from our joint counseling session.
He is done. Wants out, and wants out now. Refuses to work on things, just done.
I guess it's starting to break through to me that my marriage might really be over. I've been, I don't know, in denial? Disbelief?
I seriously can't process what is happening. That it might be over. I almost typed IS over, and couldn't bring myself to. I still don't believe it.
I feel frozen right now.
He gave me a ride after the session. As I was nearing my destination, he said, ok, look, I found a place I like. It's 2 suburbs over. Probably 30 minutes away. I asked how much - a lot. I asked what about lease. He said 6 months, or 10 months, or a year.
One of the things we talked about in the counseling session was that I was having a problem with where he was looking for apartments. That it was too far away to be a practical support for my daughter and me. He felt I was dictating his choice, and he wanted to make his own choices. Our counselor asked him to put himself in my shoes, understand why I wanted a say in his choice, and, if he could, be compassionate and make a compromise choice that kept into account my feelings. That made him angry.
So as I'm getting out of the car he tells me this choice. And it's just frozen me. I'm numb, close to shaking, and stuck. Should I slip out of work and go home? Can I put this aside and get something done? Can I function?
Tonight I need to talk to him about this. I need to say, walk me through what a day/a week would look like in your new place. When would you come over? When would you watch our daughter? When would you work on our house? Maybe if we can logically work through this, it'll make sense.
I want him to live close. Maybe it's too close. I think he has responsibilities he'd be shirking if he signed a lease so far away. I want him to sublet a place for a few months, not make any permanent decisions. That seems so logical to me.
I am so not in the realm of logic anymore.
2 days ago