Wow, so daily posting. On the one hand, I need the release daily and even multiple times a day. On the other hand, suddenly there's a lot of pressure.
Things have been happening more quickly than I can post, I have some ideas of things I'd like to talk about, and there's a whole lot of backstory to relate. Like, oh, I don't know, the grief and loss that brought me to this place to begin with. And I have new ideas all the time. Everything just seems to focus in so quickly on the crisis at hand. Not surprising, but I fear potentially boring. Constant angst and moaning from me as a doormat (will he, won't he, he loves me he loves me not) won't pull in the readers!
Maybe that's what's so therapeutic about writing. If I write every day "I'm so miserable curled up in the fetal position examining my navel" - well, who's going to stick around for that? So part of learning my voice is learning how to convey the latest, in ways that are both interesting and informative. And, therapeutic for me.
So, back to the navel gazing:
My husband is giving our daughter a bath right now. She has missed him, and so clearly wants us both at the same time. People say, don't worry, she won't even remember you two ever lived together. And that's true, I agree, for the most part, but there's clearly a transition to a new normal, and I have to believe there's a latent sense of abandonment.
My husband is being careful to tell me where he is and what he's doing. On Friday night he told me he and his girl had switched back to a professional relationship only. He had things to work on, she had a life to live. I believed that initially, but doubt has crept in.
My sincere hope is that she has a group of friends who are saying things to her like are you CRAZY?! Someone must be saying, who the heck gets involved with a married man, there's nothing but heartache ahead, and a mess you DO NOT want to deal with. I sincerely hope she's got decent self-esteem, and enough self respect to realize she could be doing a lot better than what someone 13 years her senior, her boss, a married man, and a child to boot, would have to offer. And, if she has high self esteem and a healthy self respect, I pray she cares about her career and doesn't want to establish a reputation at such a young age.
My only regret from calling her is that I did not say, "boy, I bet your parents are so proud of you!" dripping with sarcasm, of course.
So, these mythical friends of hers, I hope you are taking her out every night, partying hard, meeting all sorts of age appropriate, studly, fun guys.
GOD, I hope she has some friends.
4 days ago