So, my parents called this morning. Kind of scared me. We're fairly independent, and my parents almost never call, and certainly never at 8:30 am.
My mom was on the phone and said, can I talk to [husband]? Oh, I said, in relief, sure (thinking it was a computer call, he's the resident computer expert). So I track him down and hand him the phone, and then I hear him say, oh, your daughter is the expert on baked ziti.
Backstory - my husband is half Italian. So, in our cooking split, he always made the baked ziti. But also always complained it wasn't as good as his mom's and brother's. So this past spring, I asked his mom and brother how they made it, and learned their tricks. And after my first attempt, my husband said the job was now mine, and I've made it ever since.
So, anyway, he spent 15 minutes talking to my parents, giving them my recipe (except not quite right), asking how my dad was, chitchatting with my mom, before finally handing the phone over and leaving for work.
So we exchanged a couple of e-mails today, where he again indicated he might want to go for Thanksgiving, and said he enjoyed talking to my parents.
He worked late tonight (legitimate, I think) and got home in time for the fun part of putting our daughter to bed (story and prayers). And then walked into our room after me. To talk about Thanksgiving. He wanted to go because he felt he might be able to help, but yeah, did not want to spend 7 hours alone with me in the car, and another 10 with me and my sister. The thing between us was between us, not between him and my family. I just asked him questions - why did he want to go? Why didn't he want to go? When could he go?
And he finally said, well, that's it, I won't go.
He is conflicted. But not about leaving me. About people knowing he is leaving me. He's always been a "good guy." My mom has told me on more than one occasion that I chose well. He appears to be a fine, upstanding man. And clearly, right now, he's not. But he doesn't want anyone to know that. He doesn't want to be the bad guy.
I don't know what to do about that. But I think it's good that he doesn't go. I think (I know) I need this time with my family. I need a week of freedom, and of support.
Even now, though, what I want is for him to come back upstairs and say, I want to go.
My counselor today said it was good I was starting to get angry. And I wanted to get angry with him - are you kidding me? You only want to go so you're not the bad guy, you can try to preserve your reputation, and prevent me from gaining any support that I badly need. But I couldn't. I'm too sad and tired.
3 days ago