Saturday, November 17, 2007


I can feel my pulse fluttering along. Skipping, rushing, pounding. Never slow and steady anymore.

My traditional Chinese medicine guy says he can feel the anxiety in my pulse. But then again last month he thought I had a "pregnancy pulse," so what does he know?

I'm not depressed. I'm anxious. No full blown panic attacks, but certainly anxiety attacks, the jitters, nervous energy, an inability to just be. I can't stand to be in my head. I have no patience to do anything, though, except think obsessively about my marriage. The closest I can come to mindfulness is sometimes with my daughter, focusing entirely her. Or, sometimes thinking about the possible new job helps.

I was out, away, all day. And anxious the entire day. Anxious driving home, anxious eating dinner. Anxious now typing.

My sleeping is now better - I might wake once in the night, but generally am able to fall back asleep.

Under "normal" circumstances, I am healthy, robust, sleep easily, relax with no problems (actually relax a bit too much, into sluggishness). Now, I am exercising more than before this all happened (though probably still not enough). I am reaching out to friends to talk when it gets bad. I am writing here.

I have an aversion to prescriptions, though I have a prescription for Ativan.

Any ideas for dealing with anxiety?


Janette105 said...

Oh, sweet Jesus, take some pills. I've had anxiety attacks for years. Usually accompanied with depression so I take Prozac. But when I'm not on my meds (I have episodal depression/anxiety, not a constant chemical imbalance, so I can go off medication for years) and I have anxiety only, I'll take Xanax. I might have 4 or 5 anxiety attacks a year so it's not constant. But since you are going through such a difficult time right now I would recommend trying something in pill form. And stick with therapy. Right now, it's all about you. Also, at my lowest of lows, crying hysterically, raining with gale force winds, I would throw my shoes on and go for a walk. Just a 20 minute walk would usually calm me down. Anyway, there's my 2 cents.

Please take care of yourself. I check your site a few times a day to see if you've posted. Thinking of you and your daughter at this VERY tough time.

HANG IN THERE! You can do this. You'll get through.

The Scarlet D said...

It wouldn't hurt to get something for anxiety, like a low dose of Paxil or something, just to clear your head and help you make better decisions, but I would also recommend that you not overlook possible physical issues. Are you eating regularly, or are you skipping meals? I often feel the way you described when my blood sugar is too low, even though I'm not diabetic. Are you excercising too much and getting dehydrated? Just something to consider. Please be sure and take care of yourself, so that you can take care of your little girl.