however this works out

Those four words have been giving me a lot of trouble over the past few days. However this works out. There's hope in that phrase - things might work out. I seek out hints and clues that he's softening, reconsidering.

WE've eased into companionable silence, for the most part. Last night I worked late and ran an errand, and made it home in time for bath/bed. I had to call home twice, and both times we chatted pleasantly. I told him I'd like to be home in time for bedtime, but that if I wasn't, it was ok, because sometimes I thought my daughter and I were a little too intertwined. He said, you think? It's true - she's a mommy's girl and totally glommed onto me most of the time. I know he and I have not put our marriage first, we've put our own individual relationships with our daughter first. And over time, my husband has come to prefer time alone with our daughter (without me there) because when I am there, she focuses on me.

Ah, hindsight is 20/20, right? Now I can see so many roots of our problems, after it's too late.

He's also bveen saying "we" a lot lately. We need a better budgeting system. We could get a TV for the attic room. This morning for the first time I tried it out, we should set aside money every pay period for the college fund, instead of scrambling for money at the end of the year. It felt weird to say it, and I think he felt it was weird to hear. I'm not going to do that again.

So, as I said, last night was companionable quiet once I got home, a few phrases here and there. Probably to be blown wide open tomorrow. I need to prepare myself. He's probably just sad and quiet mourning the end of our relationship, not struggling with thinking how this might work out. However this works out.