Tuesday, November 27, 2007

however this works out

Those four words have been giving me a lot of trouble over the past few days. However this works out. There's hope in that phrase - things might work out. I seek out hints and clues that he's softening, reconsidering.

WE've eased into companionable silence, for the most part. Last night I worked late and ran an errand, and made it home in time for bath/bed. I had to call home twice, and both times we chatted pleasantly. I told him I'd like to be home in time for bedtime, but that if I wasn't, it was ok, because sometimes I thought my daughter and I were a little too intertwined. He said, you think? It's true - she's a mommy's girl and totally glommed onto me most of the time. I know he and I have not put our marriage first, we've put our own individual relationships with our daughter first. And over time, my husband has come to prefer time alone with our daughter (without me there) because when I am there, she focuses on me.

Ah, hindsight is 20/20, right? Now I can see so many roots of our problems, after it's too late.

He's also bveen saying "we" a lot lately. We need a better budgeting system. We could get a TV for the attic room. This morning for the first time I tried it out, we should set aside money every pay period for the college fund, instead of scrambling for money at the end of the year. It felt weird to say it, and I think he felt it was weird to hear. I'm not going to do that again.

So, as I said, last night was companionable quiet once I got home, a few phrases here and there. Probably to be blown wide open tomorrow. I need to prepare myself. He's probably just sad and quiet mourning the end of our relationship, not struggling with thinking how this might work out. However this works out.

5 comments:

meg said...

Take care, which box. This really sounds like a roller coaster and I can't imagine how it must feel, to have it up and then down.

niobe said...

I gave you an award. Stop by to pick it up when you have a chance.

Am I doing okay? said...

Wow! An award! I'm jealous.

For what it is worth, my husband reads your blog too. He asked me about you yesterday.

Mister & Sister's Momma said...

Is he reading THIS blog, too? Because if he is, wow. It can't be good to be putting all of this out there and letting him read it.

Which Box said...

my husband knows about this blog, which has caused me to censure some things. I did not blog about my visit to lawyer, for example (he knows about that now). My husband says he does not visit this blog, and I believe him. If it was me, I would not be able to stay away (because I am an information gatherer), but I an totally believe he doesn't care enough to read this. He says he know I need the outlet, so that's why he stays away.

I think Am I doing OK meant her husband isits here, which I think is great. Any insights he can provide?