Thursday, November 1, 2007

sending a message

So we had a nice halloween with our daughter. Our street is really great and full of kids, big and small, so lots and lots and lots of trick or treaters (12 bags of candy! gone!). Husband went out around 11, and I went to bed. Woke up at 4, and th house was dark and quiet.

So I came down for a drink, and saw he actually is home. He must have crept quietly into the guest room. Guess that sends a message.

I am really and truly just reeling from this. How do we get to a place where he's unwilling to raise his unhappiness, and when he does, it's the nuclear option? It's too late? My brain cannot grasp it being too late. I suppose a few more messages like this and it will.

I am so unsure about the job. I suppose he'd like me to take a job with lots of travel, as that would assure him of more time with our daughter. God, I need my partner back so we can, as we always have, make a decision that was right for our family.

I need more messages. I need some grace in my life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I posit that you have your messages; they're just not the ones you want.

If your husband really wanted you two to work out, there wouldn't be a second affair. But there is, so that tells me you're with someone who doesn't want to be a strong, loving partner and father. And THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. That's on him. No, that doesn't make it hurt any less right now when you're in the midst of it, but it will once you and your daughter are settled into your new awesome lives and he's cheating on his next wife (because he will. I mean, if he doesn't want to make it work with the wonderful family he has now, what makes you think his next relationship is going to be different? If you answer that question with, "Because she's younger/prettier/fertile/somehow better than me," that's your hurt talking. Don't let it, because again, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S HIM.)

The message you should focus on is the one where you got this fantastic job offer that's going to allow you to feel good about yourself and be able to show your daughter that her momma doesn't need to settle for a man who'd rather run away from real life than man up to his responsibilities.